Rules of engagement

It might happen that two person from different sex, are very close together, share a deep level of understanding and trust, rely on each other for many topics, have shared a tremendous relationship, not limited to but including a very rich and fulfilling sex life and each have a relationship on their own.
In such case, should they define some rule of engagement to ensure the family relationship is not cannibalized .

Do they need to get some topic off the table to avoid to be hurt or tempted ?
I would be tempted to think so, even if there is a risk that the remaining topics are about weather and politics and the relation will dry soon.

So what shall be recommended, allowed, forbidden, favoured?

Should a maximum number of messages be defined, a ratio family messages / friend messages ? Tricky.

1 – Work related topic should present no harm for anybody. Here you can exchanged on people, processes, feelings, pretty much everything.

2 – Daily life topics. This part is a bit more tricky, if you share it becomes very difficult to share also with the family part, splitting the topics between family only, friend and family, friend only would be very tedious and impractical. Should the part involving the family be removed or just the family be muted from it ? (“I went to a great movie” or “I went with Tim to a great movie” ?
That looks like too many questions to make it viable ….

3 – Sex would seem to be a prohibited topic. Sharing the family part in detail at least is. But if the family life is not fulfilling enough and one is looking at other fulfilling scenes then the discussion could be interesting. As long as jealousy will not come into play the subject would be shareable but it might hurt too much for too long.

4 – Politics, philosophy, life in general is probably the most open topic apart from work and should not have any restrictions. The facts they are not in a relationship might even help to accept the view form the other.

5 – Relationship, feelings. Another tricky one ? From the beginning both know they will not be in a relationship  so they shall be able to give open and trustable view on the spouse. They should be able to help each other decode what happens, what works and  what would not, what is acceptable and what is not. I would say it should be a definite go.

I will not go any further in the list, when I started I was not sure what to do and if there would be enough topics left. Building the list I discovered first that many topics can be discussed with no risk of any sorts and that rules do not make sense for the other topics. The border is so slim between acceptable and not that it would not be possible to define a rule valid for both.

Let’s go and rely for both to raise the flag inappropriate and we will see how it goes !


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